Adjusting

It was bright and sunny day today and I came home from work to have lunch. Coming from outside and having forgotten my sunglasses, my eyes had to adjust to the level of darkness as I walked inside the house. There was nothing I could do but to simply give myself a moment to finally see everything properly. This got me thinking: Knowing that I had to give my physical self some time to adjust to an environment and that there's nothing I could do about it but wait, then why don't I apply the same principle to other aspects of my life, such as my emotional, social, non-physical? It's good to act on what you think you could do and change, but sometimes, there are circumstances where there is no amount of effort that could change a situation. Sometimes, all we could do is wait -- something that most of us already know, but somehow need to be reminded of from time to time.

Although next time, I'll try not to forget my sunglasses to keep this from happening again ;)

In Search of Paradise -- An Inspirational Book by Dr. Robert E. McGinnis

- It's a slice of heaven!

What is love? Although this book has left me with more questions than answers, In Search of Paradise has shown me one of the highest expressions of love that I've ever imagined. Dr. McGinnis's words touched my heart, I literally broke into tears as I read this passage (page 74):

I love you. Even though we have never met, I love you and I want to help you plan for the future with me. You are sharing your life with me as you read these thoughts on this printed page.

These lines were written for everybody (including strangers), yet it felt as if he knew me, and that those words were meant for me personally... like a father expressing his love for his daughter.

In Search of Paradise is a book about love and happiness. It is very difficult to explain such abstract concepts, yet Dr. McGinnis has successfully communicated their meanings. How do you bring “love and happiness” into the realm of reason? It's virtually impossible (or maybe they don't belong there). Dr. McGinnis did not go through ostentatious philosophical discussions about reality; he simply suggests that it is through concretization of abstract concepts where they can become a reality... just like building a magnificent building out of a daydream.

This book has a very humble tone, which made it very pleasant to read. Even though the author is living a fulfilling kind of life, he never endorsed it as an ideal life... he merely presented it as a possibility. I sensed throughout the book that Dr. McGinnis has a great appreciation for uniqueness. He respects the primacy of human volition, hence his propositions are neither presumptuous nor imposing. His advice is genuinely for us (for our own good, not for his own reward); it is based on his aching desire for us to be happy. And even though he remains loyal to his own principles, he encourages his readers to question them, for the purpose of correcting them (if they are wrong), so we can properly integrate or build our own knowledge with his.

In Search of Paradise is timeless. It touches on a number of universal concerns about life. It is full of inspiring real life stories that will touch your heart. It tells us that happiness is found in simple things. It is in front of us from morning till night... it's as simple as opening the shutters and welcoming the daylight. Is it better to love or hate? Why deprive ourselves of happiness when we can easily grab it? These questions almost sound dumb, don't they? But sometimes, we get caught in the cycle of negativity, and we tend to forget that life is beautiful. In Search of Paradise serves as a reminder that love and happiness are within our reach, and that heaven is here on Earth for those who seek it.

___________

About the photo: I took a picture of the book that Dr. McGinnis sent me as a gift. I simply rested the book on the gravel, but it signifies that we could change this rocky and gravelly path into something that looks like a paradise, just like the picture on the book cover.

What is a Random Kiss?

We know about the French kiss and the butterfly kisses, but what about the "random kiss"? Do you know what it is?

This term popped into my head just a few moments ago while thinking about the kiss on the cheek that my hubby gave me during lunch time. I searched for this term on the internet and found no definitive answer. It appears that "random kiss" does not really exist in the urban dictionary. However, some suggest that a random kiss is a kiss that you get from a random person, for a example, a complete stranger on an elevator.

To me, a random kiss doesn't have to come from a stranger. It could be from a person that you've been married for for 25 years. The "randomness" doesn't have to be determined by a random person, it could also be determined by an act just like the "random act of kindness". Of course, randomness is not a simple matter... it's a whole different ball-game especially in philosophical terms (and I'm really not here for such debate, but feel free to rack your brains out if you want to). What I was hoping to get answered is whether we could add "random kiss" in our "kiss lexicon", just like the French kiss. Basically, what I'm suggesting is to associate "random kiss" to a random act of affection, rather than just a stranger. For example, it could be a kiss that makes you feel special (as suppose to being "violated" on an elevator), or more like just-thought-I'd-kiss-you-because-i-love-you type thing. I know I had my random kiss today while eating at McDonald's (which is totally not a romantic place), yet I consider that moment as one of my memorable lunch dates with my hubby because of that unexpected kiss.

What about you, what do you think?

__________________
Photo link

Last Minute

- Japan, March 11, 2011

The force of nature
10 meters high
I looked up the sky
Fear, then no fear
No hopes
No dreams
Nothing but last breath,
and thoughts of my loved ones
Darkness
Lightness
As free as a bird…
Thank you
I love you
Adieu

What is Freedom?

Have you ever reflected upon this notion called "freedom"? In simple terms, freedom is the ability to exercise one's own will without feeling restricted. Some would have a more elaborate meaning, but the sense of it all, does is really exist? People never cease to envision that it does, yet again, an argument that is virtually impossible to substantiate.

One person’s freedom ends where another person’s freedom begins – a statement that’s been uttered by many again and again. It sounds like there will always be boundaries that restrict us, so why do we pave our paths to freedom if it leads to a dead end? I believe that there is more to freedom than what meets the eye. Let's examine it closely.

This article holds the idea that freedom exists. However, the definitive explanation is not here. You won't find it in any book... your friends and family won't have it either. The only person who has the answer is you. This is what freedom is in it’s purest form. The only prerequisite to freedom is your existence and your consciousness. It's up to you to identify what it is, and to let it exists whenever and however you want to.

Freedom is a way of thinking. It is about setting yourself free from the fixed notions of freedom. If we are stuck in the same old idea, then we are not entirely free, are we? There will always be external forces that will restrict our freedom, so there's really no sense in preoccupying ourselves with such pedantry. Besides, this is not what freedom is about. The real essence of freedom is to not let yourself be at the mercy of chance.

When you hear the term freedom of speech, what this really means is that freedom is instrumental to speech. It is the instrument that allows your words to emerge into existence. Your freedom to speak is what validates the value of your words. This is the true value of freedom of speech, not the fact that you can say whatever you want. Your words are valuable because it came from a free or uncoerced individual, not from a parrot who merely utters the words of its dictator.

Freedom to and freedom from... self-preservation is the motive, freedom is the need. What motivated you to use your freedom? Did you kill someone based on irrational whims or self-defense? Freedom is a need just like the air we breathe. It exists to sustain our self-preservation motive.

Our life is the clear manifestation of freedom. We are not zombies nor machines, we are the living because of our desire to live. If you are able to do the things that you love and to live your life the way you deem right, then you are free despite the number of obstacles along your way.

Granted that other people can confine us, yet it is the human relationship that sets us free. When someone genuinely likes you, cares for you, and accepts you for who you are, then you'll feel more free as suppose to the contrary. Isn't it ironic how we pave our paths to freedom only to find ourselves in the most secure embrace? There is indeed more to freedom than what meets the eye, isn't there?

So, what does freedom mean to you?

Icing

Hey icing on the cake, you're like clouds on a fairy tale

icing on the cake, can I be the little figurine?

icing on the cake, I'd like to dance for you

icing on the cake, you're melting in my heart

icing on the cake, you hide between the cakes

icing on the cake, I'd like to be with you

icing on the cake, they took me off of you

icing on the cake, I'm sad 'cause I'm still here.......

Don't wipe my toes......

That's all I've left of my icing on the cake.

____________________

Photo source

What happens when White man disguises himself as a Black man for a month?

Black Like Me - a novel by John Howard Griffin. An excellent read for Black History Month. Social Identification Theory and Symbolic Interactionism are discussed in relation to Griffin's experiences.

Looks of disapproval, hate speech... flagrant forms of racism -- John Howard Griffin, a White journalist from Texas, experienced it all when he darkened the color of his skin.

Black Like Me is a novel based on a true story. At the height of Mack Parker lynch investigation in 1950's, Griffin embarked on a sociological endeavor in Mississippi by disguising himself as a Black man. He wanted to know first-hand if he would be treated differently based on the color of his skin. This book narrates how the Whites and Blacks acted towards him, and why.

[ SPOILER ALERT ]

Overview

For a month, Griffin ventured a life of a Black man in the Deep South. He darkened his skin with the use of medication and make-up. As he looked at himself in the mirror for the first time, he saw a different man... both physically and psychologically. The mere darkening of his skin redefined his identity. He felt like his white identity had been erased. On his first encounter with a Black man, he instantly felt a strong, positive connection with this fellow. He received sympathy and brotherhood from the Black community. He started saying "we" when he referred to Blacks, and "they" when he spoke of White people. The concerns of the Blacks became his own concerns.

In the eyes of a White person, the Black Griffin was perceived as feeble-minded, inferior, or someone who lacked morale. He experienced numerous and explicit forms of discrimination. The racist attitude didn't come to him as a surprise, but he didn't expect it to affect him to the core of his being. On one occasion, it sickened him dreadfully to a point where he didn't even want to be seen by anybody.

What theoretical underpinnings could help us understand these turn of events?

Our social environment has such a strong influence in the way we feel, think and behave. It appears that people don't continue to act the way they do when they are placed in a different setting. Things changed for Griffin; he was unable to get what he wanted and needed when he lived as a Black man. He thought that he could single-handedly function as an autonomous individual. Based on his experiences, he was not able to escape the power of social influence.

Social Identity Theory

When Griffin transformed himself into a Black person, he began internalizing the identities of the Black social group. Social Identity Theory, which was developed by Henri Tajfel (1919-1982), explains that every social group has a social identity. An identity is a set of specific traits and characteristics that distinguishes one individual from another individual. A social identity on the other hand is a set of normative identities belonging to a social group; it distinguishes a member of a social group from another member of a social group. For example, in the Black social group, the most salient social identity is the color of the skin.

Aside from the physical characteristics, a social identity includes attitudes and behaviors. These attributes are learned especially when they are prescribed by the society (a concept further discussed in Symbolic Interactionism). For example, back in those days, Black people typically held menial jobs. They had the tendency to adopt to this norm since it was rooted in their history (the slavery), and it was also prescribed by the dominant group (the Whites). Of course, the social climate has changed since then, this is no longer the norm in our present day.

A social group may also bear a stereotype, which is a set of false beliefs that are intended to generalize a social group. Negative stereotypes can pose a serious problem because people may live up to a given expectation. For example, feeble-mindedness was a Black stereotype perpetrated in the past, hence, some Black people ended up acting as such.

Symbolic Interactionism

Symbolic Interactionism suggests that people communicate using symbols that constitute shared meanings. For example, a "V" hand gesture (using the index and the middle finger) is a non-verbal symbol for peace. Symbols don't happen or appear overnight, they are constructed through continuous discourse and interaction among the individuals in a society. One important aspect of Symbolic Interactionism is that symbols are open to influence, and a significant degree of manipulation comes from the dominant group. This explains why Griffin felt and behaved differently as soon as his transformation was complete. He acted inferior and passive in the presence of White people, not because he wanted to, but because this was the prescribed behavior by the Whites (the dominant group).

Griffin's trip to New Orleans was a perfect scenario that illustrates this theory. Griffin sat on the back of the bus because this was designated spot for Black people. He was deprived of washroom privileges. Only the White people were allowed to get off the bus to refresh themselves, while the group of Black people suffered with their full bladder at the back of the bus. Griffin wished to challenge the bus driver on an argument as to why he and the rest of the Black people could not go for a washroom break. He was unable to insist on his argument (a prescribed behavior for the Blacks), and he allowed the driver to verbally harass him. This behavior can also be attributed to the disapproval looks he received from the Black people on the bus (nonverbal symbol for objecting Griffin's assertive behavior). They were accustomed not to behave assertively, consequently, Griffin felt the pressure to act as such.

Final Notes

Griffin was viciously discriminated throughout his whole experience as a Black person. "Would this happen if I were White?" he asked himself. Truly, the answer was no. Griffin was able to confirm that the life of a Black man was substandard compared to the Whites. When he was Black, he had less opportunities in terms of employment, he was denied access to some establishments, and he lived an impoverished life. As the pigmentation of his skin slowly wore off, so did the Black identity. He regained his life as a White person with all its privileges.

Nothing was changed but the color of Griffin's skin. When someone asked for his name and his other personal information, he answered them truthfully. He carried his ID with him, which bears his real name, address, weight, height, hair color, race, sex, and height. He simply wanted to know the impact of skin color on a person. Griffin's experience implicates that superficial characteristics such as the skin color can have a tremendous effect on a person's psyche.

Despite all accounts of discrimination in this novel, it is encouraging to know there was a White person who was sympathetic to the Blacks during that time of upheaval, and who was willing to risk his life to gain understanding about racism. What better way to understand racism than to change the color of one's skin? Surely, Griffin's sociological endeavor was a success.

_______________________________

References: Griffin, John Howard. Black Like Me. New American Library, NY. 2003.

Things that I've learned from the 1986 People Power Revolution

- Remembering the People Power Revolution 25 years later

I was eight years old when this major event unfolded before me. I was too young to understand the complexities in politics, but I knew who Ninoy Aquino was, Cory and Marcos. Ninoy was assassinated at the Manila international airport in 1983. Cory was his wife... Marcos was the enemy. I can vividly remember the images of Ninoy's dead body facing down on the airport tarmac. The bullet that shot Ninoy Aquino triggered an outrage among Filipinos. Three years later, Cory Aquino led the revolution that marked the Philippine history.

On February 22-25, 1986, millions of Filipinos embarked on a nonviolent revolution to end the 20-year repressive regime of Ferdinand Marcos. The streets of Manila was filled with tumultuous populace. People cried for their desperate need for change. They were marching, singing hymns, saying prayers... holding each other's hands. After four days of uprising, Filipinos overthrew a tyrant.... without harming their fellowmen.

Do you know what it takes to engage in a peaceful revolution? Looking back at what happened 25 years ago, here are the lessons that I've learned form the 1986 People Power Revolution:

Unity. Just when you thought you were alone, you realize that there are million others who are in the same predicament as you. We are all the same. We share the same need for understanding, companionship and trust. When you're feeling empty inside, dreadful, numb, use these negative emotions as a source of strength rather than suffering. Give others the comfort in knowing that they are not alone, and that you are there to listen and to support them. Use this bond to overcome the challenges in life... together you can make things happen.

Individuality. A society is not possible without the individuals that make it. Every action of an individual can have a profound effect on the collective whole. Though we are the same within the objective definition of life, we are all different in terms of character, attitudes, or opinions. Whatever idiosyncrasies there may be, respect it. The uprising was made possible by people from different backgrounds such as nuns, soldiers, workers, students, etc. who may have nothing in common but for their goal to abolish the dictatorship. Each one contributed to the success of the revolution.

Volition and judgement reside in an individual. The willingness to have a bloodless revolution came from every individual who made it possible. If unity is the bond, then individuality is the foundation that substantiates a revolution.

Freedom. Yes there is poverty, unemployment, or economic crisis in the Philippines. But for Filipinos, there is no substitute for freedom. There are nations who survive by subjecting themselves to oppression and control of their government. Not Filipinos. Without freedom, humans are nothing but a mindless automaton... a zombie, a dead person. Filipinos believe that freedom is synonymous to living... it is a principle that is worth fighting for.

Rationality. Humans are equipped with minds that can think. You don't have to resort to physical force to make things happen. The bloodless revolution was not based on mystery... but on rational decisions. Is it right to harm another human being? Is it necessary? Think. Find a solution. Communicate with others. Understand each other, and then think again. Rationality is what sets us apart from other animals; it is the hallmark of human beings. So act like humans, not like savages.

Dare to question the established rules and dogmas. Get rid of your automatic thought that says "well it's always been like that". Don't compromise your rationale. Compromise is a practical means to maintain or restore order. It is a concept that suggests that right and wrong can co-exist. How can right be wrong at the same time? Compromise is a principle that settles the conflict between the two. But bear in mind that when something is right, it is right; when something is wrong, it is wrong. Compromise comes with a price... sometimes it's your own personal values. There may be rules and dogmas in your government (or in your simple surroundings) that is corrupting your life. Don't let this happen. Always pose a question when something doesn't make sense. Don't just obey. And by the same token, if you happen to be wrong and someone provides you with the right answers, correct your mistakes. Respect the truth.

And finally...

Value of life. With all the uprising that's going on in the Maghreb nations, many lives are being lost in exchange for their independence. Yes freedom is worth dying for, but try to explore the means that would cause less harm. Realize that the end of all means, or the end of all ends, is YOUR LIFE. We eat, we work, we exercise, we educate ourselves... whatever it is that we do, we do it all for life. Let life be the end of your means. The People Power Revolution teaches us that revolutions doesn't need to equate to bloodshed. Trust yourself that your are competent to think and to make rational decisions. Don't surrender to aggressive or hostile means. If all the peaceful approaches have been used and did not work, let revolutions be an act of self-defense to protect your life. Don't let it be an act of retaliation that could sever your life or the life of another. Freedom is the principle that allows your to say "I choose to" or "I choose not to". This principle cannot exist without life itself. Life precedes freedom, and we choose freedom to experience how it is like to live. Life is the beginning and the end... this is the value of life. Let your revolutions restore it, not end it.

- Sharing the pride of my fellowmen across the world in remembering the 25th anniversary of People Power Revolution.

What is Separation Anxiety Disorder?

- Symptoms, scientific findings, underlying theories, and some practical advise on how to prevent or reduce separation anxiety in children.

They cry loudly, they're scared... they're impossible to soothe. Children suffering from separation anxiety show these types of symptoms when they are separated from their primary caregiver.

Separation anxiety is an emotional condition characterized by excessive distress, which is associated with temporary separation of the child from the primary caregiver. It is a part of a normal development in children, however, if symptoms persist for more than 4 weeks, your child may be suffering from separation anxiety disorder or SAD (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2004).

SAD is known to be the most common anxiety disorder in children. Approximately one half of the children receiving treatments for anxiety disorders are suffering form SAD (Pincus et al., 2005).

According to the recent study conducted by Allen et al. (2010), it appears that the most common symptoms for SAD are:

• excessive separation distress;
• refusal to go to school or elsewhere due to fear of separation;
• avoidance of being alone and sleeping away from caregivers;
• nightmares with themes of being separated from caregivers.

The study has also identified age and sex differences in the reported symptoms for SAD. It appears that refusal to go to school is more common in girls than boys, and in younger children (less than 8 years of age) than older children (9 to 15 years of age). Given these symptoms, SAD could certainly impair a child's life.

Why do children develop separation anxiety?

Piaget's Theory of Cognitive Development

One of the most popular explanation for separation anxiety has been derived from cognitive-developmental theory by Jean Piaget (1896-1980). Infants around 4 to 7 months learn the concept of object permanence. At this stage, babies learn that objects continue to exist even when they are out of sight. This is the reason why your child is amused when you play peek-a-boo with them because they know that you are just hiding.

On the other hand, it is also during this time when they begin to experience anxieties due to separation. Since they know that you don't really disappear, they'll try to look for you when you're out of sight. When they cannot find you, they begin to feel distress.

Environmental Factors

Some environmental factors may contribute to the feelings of anxiety. Just like adults, children react to stressors. Major life events such as having a new sibling or moving to a new place may intensify feelings of anxiety. SAD is also likely to be preceded by a traumatic experience. Hunger, exhaustion, or restlessness could also aggravate feelings of anxiety.


Parent-child Interaction

Choate et al. (2005) suggest that the interaction between the parent and the child is a major factor in maintaining SAD. Parents may be communicating fears that could arouse anxiety in children. By the same token, the child may respond inappropriately to the anxious behaviors of their parents. Hence, the parent and the child could be interacting anxious behaviors back and forth without noticing it.

When the child's autonomy is not encouraged, the likelihood of developing separation anxiety could increase (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2004). Overprotective parenting may result in inadequate levels of independence in children, thus impairing the child's ability to cope during separation.

Although autonomy is crucial in children's development, responsiveness to the child's needs should not be taken for granted. According to a Canadian developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999), the emotional bond between the mother and the child should be nurtured to foster secure attachments. When the parent and the child fail to secure healthy attachments, the child is more likely to develop emotional and behavioral problems (Choate et al., 2005).

Learning Theory

Operant conditioning also helps in explaining the development of SAD. When reinforcement contingencies are not properly managed, behaviors that are associated with SAD may increase. For example, when parents soothe their distressed child, they are inadvertently reinforcing separation anxiety behaviors, as a result, this behavior increases.

Children also learn through observation. Parents may be modeling anxiety behaviors, consequently, children learn and imitate such behaviors.

Tips on how to prevent or reduce separation anxiety in children

• Tailor your actions according to the age of the child. Practice leaving your child with someone else before he or she reaches the object permanent stage. This way, your child can learn how to be with someone else before separation anxiety is likely to develop.
  
  
• Make transitional changes to ease feelings of anxiety in children. For example, leave your children with someone familiar (i.e. a relative) before leaving them with a new babysitter. Make sure that the babysitter is receptive to the child’s needs to foster secure attachments.
  
  
• Increase your child’s sense of control over his or her environment. Encourage every self-sufficient behavior that the child exhibits. Allow your child to lead interactions or conversations. For younger children, try to reinforce active exploration.
  
  
• Focus on nurturing a secure relationship with your child. Maternal responsiveness and mother-child positivity can build strong emotional bonds.
  
  
• Finally, parents are advised to model non-anxious behaviors. Extinguish anxious reactions of your child by ignoring such behaviors.

Generally, separation anxiety is a phase that a child will outgrow. However, if the separation anxiety behaviors persist, it is advisable to seek professional help.

__________________________

References

Allen, J., Lavallee, K., Herrena, C., Ruhea, K., Schneider, S. (2010). DSM-IV criteria for childhood separation anxiety disorder: Informant, age, and sex differences. Journal of Anxiety Disorders 24, 946–952.

Choate, M. L., Pincus, D. B., Eyberg, S. M., & Barlow, D. H. (2005). Parent-Child Interaction Therapy for Treatment of Separation Anxiety Disorder in Young Children: A Pilot Study. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice 12, 126-135.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S. Abnormal Psychology (2004). McGraw-Hill, NY.

Pincus, D., Eyeberg, S., Choate, M. (2005). Adapting parent-child interaction therapy for young children with separation anxiety disorder. Education and Treatment of Children Vol (28) 2, pp. 163-181.

Shaffer, D. R., Wood, E., Willoughby, Teena. Developmental Psychology: Childhood and Adolescence. (2002) Thompson and Nelson, Canada.

Jean Piaget: Wikipedia Free Encyclopedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Piaget. Retrieved February 17, 2011.

Mary Ainsworth: Wikipedia Free Encyclopedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Ainsworth. Retrieved February 17, 2011.

Photo Credits: Dexter Santucci

What is an Underwriter?

- The role of underwriters in insurance companies.

Surprisingly, many people do no know that there is a profession out there called underwriting. After working in two reputable insurance companies for eight years, I've always found myself trying to explain what I did as an underwriter. So if you are interested, here is a brief description of the role of an underwriter in insurance companies ...

Insurance Underwriters

The role of an underwriter is to find the intricate balance between the needs of the shareholders and the needs of the customers. To perform this, one must learn the technical skills required in underwriting.

The cornerstone of successful underwriting at is the ability to select risks. A risk is a property or a liability that a customer wishes to insure. An underwriter must know what the favorable risks are, or the risks that are known to bring profit and growth to the company. One should always consider writing the favorable types of risks and to limit those that are not.

Writing the best risks in its class is one of the challenging tasks of an underwriter. To do so, an underwriter must gather pertinent information about the risks such as:
- sustainability of the client's business
- claim history
- hazards or potential for loss
- the location of risks.

Once these are determined, the underwriter must follow the company's guideline to ensure the acceptability of the risk and to appropriately rate the risk. The rule of thumb is to make sure that the premium (or the cost of insuring a risk) should commensurate with the exposure.

Knowing the products and services that the company provides is another skill that an underwriter must practice. After assessing the risks, it is important to apply the the appropriate coverages for such risks. This helps guarantee customer's satisfaction and could encourage retention of risks.

Another challenging undertaking is pricing. As mentioned above, the premium should commensurate with the exposure. However, another important aspect of pricing is profit. To successfully price for profit, the underwriter must understand the insurance market (i.e. soft and hard market). The underwriter should maximize profit so long as the market permits.

Once the risk is in the books, the next task is to work on loss prevention and to maintain retention. The underwriter should review the risks regularly to ensure that the risk is still profitable and sustainable. The underwriter should consistently study the trends in the businesses and to apply this knowledge in managing the risk.

Another important skill is broker management. Maintaining a good relationship with brokers is paramount as they are the link between the underwriters and the customers. Communication is vital as this helps for gathering information regarding the risks. It also serves as a tool in understanding the needs of the brokers. It is important to communicate that their interests (i.e. growth in their business, satisfying their clients' needs) are also the underwriter's interests. Subsequently, this will satisfy the objective of an underwriter, which is to balance the needs of the shareholders and the needs of the customers.

I hope that the above information helps. So the next time to meet an underwriter, or if you wish to pursue a career in underwriting, you'll know what this profession is all about.

Tagine: The Moroccan Soul Food

During my stay in the South of France, I had a chance to taste a delicious Moroccan specialty. The dish is called Tagine, which is one of the staple foods in Morocco. "We could eat it everyday," said Mariam, the Moroccan lady who made the Tagine. It's very easy to make, it's healthy, and the ingredients are relatively cheap.

The Tagine (or Tajine) is traditionally cooked in a clay pot with a heavy cone cover. The weight of the cover keeps the steam sealed inside. That way the Tagine can slowly simmer in its own juices. Mmmm.. doesn't that sound yummy? Here is the recipe for the beef and vegetable Tagine (courtesy of my Moroccan friend).

You'll need:

500g of beef

1 onion chopped

1 clove of garlic minced

1 tomato

a handful of parsley

a tsp. of ginger

some olives

vegetables: carrots, turnips, green beans, green peas

spices: salt & pepper, cinnamon, paprika, coriander, cumin

olive oil

a large chili (if you like it spicy hot)

If you don't have a clay pot, you can use a slow cooker or a ceramic pot... or any pot really, as long as it has a thick base.

In a very low heat (use the lowest setting on your stove), put the olive oil, the beef, the spices, onions, some salt and pepper in the pot. Let it cook for 1 hour. Then, add the vegetables and the rest of the ingredients. Make sure that you arrange the vegetables in layers. It adds charm to the Tagine, and it makes it look more palatable. Actually, you're supposed to hide the

beef inside the layers of vegetables... the beef is kinda like a surprise. Finally, let the Tagine simmer for another good hour, or until the juices are reduced. And that's it, you're done!

Tagine is traditionally eaten with bread, and the Moroccans devour this dish using their hands. There are no plates nor utensils, everyone sits around the table and shares the Tagine.

So try this at home folks, I'm sure you'll enjoy the dish and the experience. Bon appétit!

Photography by Fides

I started taking photos just before I had my son. Of course, I have taken pictures earlier than that, but I have never taken it up as a hobby until six years ago.

What drew me into this passion was the beauty of Nature. One Winter afternoon, my husband and I went for a stroll by the Ottawa riverside. At that time, I had a crappy digital camera that didn't have an LCD screen. I don't even remember the mark of the camera. It was really cheap, it looked like it came out of a dollar store.

It was the sight of a fallen timber that got me hooked in photography. The timber was floating at the shore. I wasn't sure how it fell... it may have been the storm that knocked it down, it may very well be the beavers. I was immediately captivated by the sight of it, I knew I had to capture it. I took pictures of the scene at different angles, vantage points... focal points. Not knowing for sure how my pictures would turn out (since my camera didn't have an LDC screen), I had to take a lot of pictures to make sure that one of them was good. That was the day I remember when I couldn't stop taking pictures.

_______________________

If you would like to view my public gallery, please visit Photography by Fides, courtesy of Google Photos. My photos are not for sale. They are free for you to look at (to admire or to criticize), to keep, or to share. Enjoy!

My portrait/profile pictures are taken by my dear husband who is also a photographer.

What is Friendship Breakup?

Why the word "breakup" sounds strange in friendship

More and more people are using the term breakup in friendships. On my recent Google search, "friendship breakup" (in quotes) yielded 14,600 hits, which suggests that a number of people have actually used this exact term.

A friendship breakup is an explicit manner of ending a friendship. It happens when you actually tell your friend that you don't want to be friends anymore. However, breakup lines such as "Sorry, I can't do this anymore" or "It's not you, it's me" are things that we normally find in romantic relationships, not in friendships. So it does sound a little odd when you hear that two friends have officially broken up. What is it about breakups that make it sound strange in friendships?

The Nature of Breakups

In countries where serial monogamy is practiced, people are expected to breakup with their existing partner before they could pursue a new one. Serial monogamy is a type of romantic relationship where a person can have one exclusive relationship at a time over the course of his or her lifetime (Mulder, 2009). When people pursue a new relationship without breaking up with their existing one, they may be considered cheaters. Therefore, breakups are necessary in romantic relationships.

When it comes to friendships, people are allowed to have more than one friend at a time. So it appears that breaking up is not necessary because it does not involve the same consequences as in romantic relationships. Also, there are other ways of ending a friendship aside from breakups. Depending on the nature of your friendship or your personality, you may wish to end your friendship without confronting your friend. You can simply avoid your friend, or slowly downgrade your friendship to acquaintances. Most people would probably find it difficult to say “let’s end our friendship” to someone who was dear to them before. But sometimes, non-confrontational strategies don't work, so you may have to send the message explicitly to set your intentions straight.

Friends are important but sometimes, situations arise where breakups are necessary. I'm sure that some of you would say that true friends don't breakup... but as devastating as it is, they do happen. I hope that this post gave you an idea what friendship breakup is about, and it shouldn't sound strange anymore the next time you hear it.

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References:

Mulder, M. (2009). Serial monogamy as polygyny or polyandry? Human Nature, 20, 130-150.

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My Vision of a Feminist Utopia

"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it. " -- Marilyn Monroe

Feminist utopia... isn't feminism a form of sexism? In our day and age, men still hold the power in most societies, and in such societies, women are considered the minorities. Minority is not a question of numbers, but a matter of social influence. Thus, feminism is not sexism, but a form of resistance to the dominant gender. So I'm not a sexist, I'm just a feminist.

So what is my vision of a feminist utopia?

First, what is utopia? When I say utopia, I mean IDEAL world. Sounds like a fantasy land, but please lend me an ear, as my vision is far from fictional. It can be realized...

Without further ado, my vision of a feminist utopia is for women to assert their right to BE A WOMAN, no matter what identity she envisions herself to be. That's right. Look back at Marilyn Monroe's statement. Do you see a case of mistaken identity? There is none whatsoever. She knows she is a woman first... the rest are just details. And don't take this vision at face value. There is a gamut of reasons behind this proposition.

Reconstruction of women's identity

Various feminist groups have continuously challenged the normative standards in our society.

Not only they fight for women's rights, they also try to redefine women's identity. Some social scientists have recently focused on developing a body of knowledge that is grounded from the unique views and experiences of women (Dubois, 1983). Why study the unique views and experiences of women? -- Because gender is socially constructed, and in patriarchal societies, women's identities have been greatly influenced by men. Studying the subjective views of women would provide awareness on the inherent meaning of being a woman.

With the growing popularity of social constructionism, we realize that identities are narratively constructed; hence, they can also be narratively repaired in cases of negative identities (Nelson, 2001). In patriarchal society, a number of women's identities are considered the weaker type compared to men's. Using narrative construction, it is possible to elevate the status of women's identities by repairing the distorted views about women. All this means is that we should let women narrate their stories subjectively and repeatedly to get a sense of reality from their own perspective.

When a woman is told to be a woman, it denotes that she's a woman who stays at home, raises her family, and provides emotional support to her husband. Even though this role is fulfilling to some women, this 'old school' identity seems to have a negative connotation because the image of a career woman is becoming more positive. My vision is to redefine this 'old school' identity because it suggests a submissive role, and it pathologizes womanhood. Thus, the phrase be a woman should denote a positive identity because of the positive value-judgment of some of women in this role.

Women are not men

The search for a homogeneous characteristic for both men and women may be a great idea, but

there would always be an inclination to search for differences due to biological characteristics of men and women. Even though we accept the concept that gender is socially constructed, the fact remains that women are not men (in biological terms), and this fact will remain unchanged. Therefore, in my feminist utopian society, women are women as a human specie, and so as a social being. Her social identities are inherently hers, meaning, she is not borrowing any characteristics that are inherent in men. In this regard, my vision is to erase any pre-existing notions that a woman is trying to be a man just because she happens to have the same stereotypical characteristics as men. If she happens to have the same stereotypical characteristics as men, then it should be treated as such -- the same... but they are rightfully hers. She should not be labelled as a woman who's trying to be a man, but simply as a woman being a woman.

Feminist Care Ethics

Feminist Care Ethics consists of moral theories that are common to women. For example, as most people would probably agree, women manifest more nurturing behaviors than men. Feminist Care Ethics recognizes this characteristic and legitimizes its value. Meaning, nurturing is not a weak characteristic just because it is typical of women's.

Carol Gilligan, the foremost proponent of Feminist Care Ethics, questions Freud's and Kohlberg’s theories of moral development (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2009). She argues that their moral theories are male-biased and do not reflect morals that are distinct to women. Gilligan explored the views and experiences of women, and discovered that relationships and responsibilities are central to women's moral development, while justice is central to men's. Recognizing these gender-differences in approaching moral dilemmas creates an avenue that allows women to make decisions based on their own terms and the manner they see fit. Therefore, based on Feminist Care Ethics, a woman's effort to put her family first (before her career for example) is a decision that should not sabotage women's positive identity. Inasmuch, the decision to place family before career should be regarded as a moral decision, and not a form of submission.

Liberal Feminism

The ability to draw a moral decision, in itself, is not sufficient. Decisions made by women are sometimes influenced by men. In some instances, an individual appears to be using his or her autonomy in making decisions; however, adaptive preferences can occur, which is an illusion that one is making a self-determining or autonomous choice over a range of options (Donner, 2009). Meaning, the individual has subjected himself or herself, without knowing, to a range of options that has been pre-determined or influenced by an oppressor.

Liberal feminism centers on equality between men and women. John Stuart Mill (1806-1873), one of the major proponents of liberal feminism, raises his concerns on gender inequality and the oppression of women (Donner, 2009). He argues that women's value was tied to being wives, and that men treat them as slaves in marriages. Mill illustrates how women's experiences in the nineteenth century were demoralizing.

The oppression and the demoralization of women are still present in the twenty-first century. In some societies, in the Taliban[1] regime for example, oppression and demoralization of women are understatements because women are not even treated as humans in that society. Under the Taliban, women are stoned to death or buried alive because of their defiance to men. Needless to say, this type of inhumane treatment of women would have no place in my feminist utopian society. Recognizing women as human beings would be of utmost importance in my society.

One of the main tenets of liberal feminism is the gender equality. This concept appears dignified, however, the political agenda behind it sound rather calculated, which suggests a tendency to look only for positive virtues in women so that they could equate at the same level as men. Equality becomes means, not an end. In my feminist utopian society, gender equality is also an integral component, however, women are not required to pass any criteria listed by the dominant gender just so equality can start. As I have discussed in the earlier segment, women are not men; hence, there is no point to this kind of pre-qualification to meet equality.

Time to get real...

Women have come a long way in our society. More and more women have become renowned in the areas of science and philosophy, and there is no doubt that women can undertake the challenges in the intellectual domain. However, to envision a feminist utopia requires I should not neglect the sufferings of women in the extremist societies.

Gender equality is not an option of one, it requires both parties to assert responsibility in order to achieve it. Even though many women have already established an equal status with men, this circumstance should not bind oppressed women to the notion that they should also be able to do it, just because other women have done it. This notion would simply stigmatize oppressed women even further because it suggests they are to blame for being oppressed.

I had no desire to envision a fictional feminist utopia, where women possess all the positive virtue that one could possibly have. To envision a utopia where women simply dominates is a circumstance that creates a wrong motive because it would suggest inferiority of the other gender.

I don't have the perfect solution on how to realize this feminist utopia, however, I do propose that the traditional term be a woman to be transformed into a more positive identity. This positive identity is not just for the sake of women, but also for men. If men continue to regard women as a lesser counterpart, then they are simply depriving themselves of a true human relationship that they could possibly have with women. Finally, the term be a woman is not an attempt to place any segregation between the genders; rather, it allows for a meaningful experience for humanity as a whole.

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References

Donner, W. (2009). Chapter 7, Sexual Equality and The Subjection of Women. Mill. Wiley-Blackwell. U.K. (pp. 160-189).
DuBois, B. (1983). Passionate Scholarship: Notes on values, knowing and method in feminist social science. Theories of Women's Studies. Boston, MA: Routledge & Kegan Paul, (pp. 105-116).
Nelson, H. L. (2001). Identity and Free Agency. Feminist Doing Ethics. Oxford, England: Rowman & Littlefield, (pp. 45-61).
Tong, R., & Williams, N. (2009). Feminist Care Ethics: The Different Voice. Feminist Ethics, Retrieved December 4, 2005, from Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy Web Site: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-ethics/
[1] Taliban is an Islamic fundamentalist group in Afghanistan. Taliban men are generally known for maltreatment of Afghan women; http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~mvcarmac/taliban.html